NDK feels like it got ruined for me?

[Caffum]

Let's get the drama stuff blunt and out of the way quick: over the past couple of weeks, i've been going through a rough, rough break up. One that honestly shouldn't even be happening and has no basis. But it is, nothing I can honestly do at this point, who knows where the future goes from here because stuff is still being played out, but at this point i'm looking at it as done and finished.

Now, where does NDK come into this? My "ex" is the thing that resparked my interest in NDK. I skipped out on '08 because honestly, I had no more interest in going, it served no purpose or needs to me and has honestly been a big source of hurt and annoyance. Having been with her for the time I was, I had my interest resparked in the fact that it would be something fun and intimate for us to go. Something for us to make memories at. All of that has now been lost, obivously.

I have several friends who are literally going to beat me down, tie me up, and drag me by a chain to make me come this year since I promised I would and pre reg'd and everything, but really, how am I going to have a fun time at the con? On top of that, me and her share many, many friends, so i'm pretty much near guaranteed to run into her at least once at the con unless I just be a loner and avoid all contact with my friends.

Everything about it is going to remind me or make me think of the relationship and it's not only going to destroy this con for me, but chances at future cons as well. Has anyone been in this situation? How do I approach the con and make it a fun event despite the events that recently played out?

[Kari Kitsune]

Well you have a few options, you could tell your friends to leave you alone and that you don't want to try because of the whole thing going on with her, or you could just suck it up and go anyway. Really, a break up is only as hard as you make it on yourself. If you go to NDK with the mindset of "I'm going to have fun, nothing will ruin this, I don't care who I'm with as long as I am smiling" you'll have a good time. If your friends are hanging out with her, hang out with them but don't look at her, don't talk to her unless you're talked to first. It's best to not let her presence bother you when you could be using all that frustration/anger/whatever and focus your attention to your friends who you clearly like if you're willing to do this for them. If that doesn't work, roam NDK alone, but stop places and talk to people. Talk to people in lines or in the video game room or in the artist row. Most people at NDK are willing to laugh and smile and strike up conversation with strangers. Heck, I've made instantaneous friends with strangers that I proceeded to hang out with for several more hours at the con. You just gotta be willing to have fun and not think about your problems, and they won't come and find you and ruin your weekend.

[Hen(Tai)]

hang around some cute girls in revealing cosplays. that'll get your ex annoyed

[Katie]

You could always go on Thursday and meet some of us forum folk there. That way you'll have some new people to hang out with during the convention. ^__^

I heard there's going to be a game of apples to apples going on Thursday as well as some hottubing.

[KuramaCosplayer]

I say you tell your friends that wether you go or not is your option. If you don't want to go then don't go. If you want to go then go. I haven't been in your situation but I've know people that have. If you go its a chance to make new friends, and just have fun. That's how I look at it. I have an ex that goes every year, I usually avoid him, but if I can't I make up an excuse and bail. NDK really is alot of fun, but it's your choice to go. I'll talk to you, I talk to random people alot at cons.
I also like Kari Kitsune's advice as well, just trying to help out a person in need.

[Greg Hines]

I recommend volunteering, and that's not because of my position. (Volunteers aren't even under my purview.)

When you volunteer for a con, you'll end up working with a number of people you probably haven't met before, and we've got a lot of great people on staff. I've made a ridiculous number of friends on the NDK staff as a direct result of volunteering. And working the con is a great way to keep your mind occupied so you're not stressing over things that are happening in the "real world." No to mention that there are several departments where there's nearly zero chance you'd run into your ex or her friends because they don't usually interact directly with the attendees very much. Oh, and did I mention you can get free stuff (like a free badge to next year's con)?

(Plus, from the IRC conversation we had, it sounds like this may be a good fit for you!)

[ghost]

wow...im in the same boat as you man..it suck...the worst part is she was even gonna bring the new guy she was with to the con with her =P (but i guess they ended up not working out or something, But now  shes going with me again...as friends...but still)...sry back on topic...i would say if you really are worried about seeing her and her being around your friends then just hang out with new ppl ^^ meet some new faces and some new friends.. iv leaned that ppl at cons are really really nice ^^ and vary fun to hang out with...and if your not to social then just look for the tall kid going as gambit (ME ^^ fyi) and you can hang out with me and my friends ^^ were all pretty chill and nice and i love meeting new ppl....just some food for thought

...trust me i know how much it sucks when the only reason you go to these types of things is so you can hang out with them and spend time with her, and then all that kinda gets destroyed when you guys separate...but if you do have fun at the con...dont let her ruin that for you...cons are great places to have fun and meet new ppl...and Chhetry said, just hang around some cute girls and make her wicked jealous ...when dealing with ex's jealousy is your best friend lol

[Caffum]

I suppose you all are right, it is a fun time and a fun experience. My main fear is, even though it is done and i'm past it for the most part, I'll see her at the con and feelings will come surging back and that is what will mainly ruin the experience. It just feels like a situation i'm going to lose in because if I go it alone, i'm terrible at starting convos with anybody so i'll literally seem like a loner, but if I go with my friends, the chances of the above happening are pretty risky high.

It would be pretty fun to meet some of the forum people there, though. I've mainly hung around the IRC chat, but I think a lot of those people are staff, so hey, maybe just blindly showing up to this thursday thing would be pretty fun and maybe give me a chance to meet some cool people to hang with all weekend.

When is this apples-to-apples game, by the way? I love that game!

[mastergods]

I am in the same but a little worse boat then you. Not only did she dump me ffor no reason she is now dating my best friend and still going to the con. But I am not letting that ruin it for me. I have a lot of plans with people I met on the froms and any time I see her I plan to start chatting up some cute girls passing by (and most liky be reported a lot to con staff as the odd guy jumping into their chats) But my point is you already signed up so you should go and have fun. if you see me ill chat with you and we can be the odd people together.

[Sirblood]

Well, there's several totally different ways to spend your time at the convention, and each is bound to be totally different than anything you have done in the past...

- Volunteer tons of hours in the dealers room and stock up on whatever the dealer's incentive plans are
- Volunteer to help the convention (if you have never done it, try it... it WILL change your oppinion of conventions)
- Since you are old enough, stay up late night and do some party hopping... you don't have to drink to have fun, but if you engage in a few adult beverages... just know your tolerance...
- join in on as many of the group events as possible such as the hug line, congo lines, and any outdoor games going on
- offer to staff the convention for next year, but quite frankly, you need to volunteer to help 1st so they can see what kind of worker you are, and so you can make friends with a few staffers.
- If you have never cosplayed, try cosplaying...

Don't dwell on the past, live for the future!  Make new memories, new friends and try to have fun ^^;

[Rumor]

talk to people

if there's a place where it's ok to talk to people you don't know, it's NDK.

We should play down by the banks in the hot tub

[ghost]

youll have fun man ^^...and if you feel really sad and start to feel like a loner then look for the marvel group and come hang out with me ^^

and aslo...yes party hopping is a good way to take your mind off of her and everything...but yes, just know your limits...no one likes a super drunk anime nerd throwing up ever where lol jk =P

[nemisis47]

You really shouldn't let this kill your kan weekend man there are plenty of lovely girls out there especially a cons. The con weekend should be a fabulous weekend that is loads of fun and gets your mind out of your problems not dwelled with drama and its a great way to make new friends. As I said, don't let this get you down NDK is funner without the drama.

[starstreaker]

I agree with many of the thoughts brought up here, go to the Con with the mindset to enjoy, and then do so. Talk to random people (I have trouble doing this, but I'm getting better), and engage in some conversation. You already have one thing in common with most the people there, Anime! Talk to people in costume, especially the series you like(again, a shared point of interest). Ask them how they put it together. Many of us are more than happy to go into vivid detail as to how it is done. Find one of the hug lines, go through it then join and give some back.  A great way to meet people and will cheer you and them up. Getting hugs feels great, giving them even more so. If you are going to go solo, bring a camera and do a photo safari. I personally love this as I get immersed in the Con, yet do not need to talk to much. A lot of asking, can I get your picture, or oooo, hold that pose one moment longer. There is so much to do, and while you may see her, you can also be civil towards her. If you were friends before your relationship, it is possible to stay on friendly terms after. Treat as you would meeting a new person, standard greetings, inquire to their health, you know, really basic stuff. I've had several relationships with friends that ended in break-ups, but after some time, we were able to go back to being friends.

[Shareece]

Ok, I am going to let a little of my RL into this convo so that I can use it as an example. Last year, I dated a......*twitch* person once. Not a long time, just one real date. This ....person, walked at the mall I worked at. At first I almost put myself in a tizzy worrying if he was walking the mall. Mind you, he went total stalker on me but the point?

When I spent so much time worrying weither he was going to walk by my store or talk to me, I was miserable. I couldn't really work. But the minute I stood up and said to myself, "This person has no controll of me. I am me, and the fact that he can't handle a realtionship has nothing to do with me." So the Next time he came into my store, I looked him in the eye treated him like a customer, he "ran" out of the store. He liked the power and feeling that he still affected me. The minute he didn't, he no longer came by the mall.

MY advice with this story? If she's there, she's there. She is one person in a con of 6,000+ She may try to make you feel guilty, sad or upset, but just let it slide off your shoulders. The minute you agree with yourself that she can't change your outlook, you will have a great time at the Kan, becuase you will feel good about yourself.

Now that I am done being Dr. Thearpist, you really should come to the pool party on Thursday! Alot of the forum members are going to be there, including me!

[nemisis47]

Pool party?!...poo. Wish I could be there but, work gets in the way and thats when I get ready for day 1. Sorry to go off topic, good advice shareece.

[Caffum]

Hmm, everybody does make some great points, plus after talking to a couple of my buddies last night, i've decided it's probably good that I go. Besides, I can't pass up the opportunity to have many many many photo ops with my little homemade Geico money stack!

Thursday sounds like it might be fun! As long as I don't work, i'll be there for sure, but worse comes to worse, i'm gonna be there the whole weekend anyways. Anybody here willing to have an extra attach onto their group for the weekend? I promise i'm a fun person! I might even let you hold the Geico Cash, lol.

[Kari Kitsune]

Any of the huge NDK forums groups like me, Batty, Rem, Lunara, and the like are always willing to take on new friends

[nemisis47]

Thats the spirit Caffum. Have fun at NDK. If you wanna hang, my cosplays are on my sig but, just to clarify i'm doing the spirit on Friday, hideki of the nerima daikon bros. Saturday and Ash Ketchum on Sunday.

[Boomerjinks]

Buck up, foo.